Australia versus the UK: Sin.

It’s better than that! It’s Australia versus the rest of the world.

This article hit the news the other day here in Australia and probably where you are too, and it has been met with hoots of derision. Apparently, the BBC has a science and technology magazine and in the latest edition they have announced that Australia is the most sinful country in the world.

Australia: Country of Sin

It worked this out by looking at the seven deadly sins. Well, that had me scrambling for my Bible. What were those deadly sins now? Ah, here it is…..

• Wrath
• Sloth
• Pride
• Lust
• Greed
• Gluttony
• Envy

To calculate the country with the most sin, the study looked at 35 countries and a bunch of statistical data and concluded that Australia was the most sinful nation….. by a long way.

In recent times I have come across articles suggesting that Australia came second in the world for smoking pot (pipped by the USA) and third in the world for drinking beer (the Czechs walked that one).

But at last somebody, the BBC no less, decided to take into account ALL of the facts and at last, Australia gets its deserved victory. Let’s break it down to see how we won.

Envy.

Australia came top for envy. This was calculated by studying statistics for burglary, robbery and car thefts per thousand of the populace. Apparently, Australians nick a lot. I never knew! I have always paid for everything. But as they say, when in Rome…… I could save myself a fortune.

Score: 10 points.

Lust.

Australia came third. We achieved this by buying lots of porn. This shows our dedication to win. Most other countries will get their porn for free over the Internet, but not us Australians. Happy to pay so we can secure our overall top spot.

Score: 8 points.

Gluttony.

Third again. To win here, you must spend more per person on fast food than anyone else! This is too easy! Of course, anybody can get into the queue for a hamburger with 10 bucks in their pocket. But here in Australia, we believe in teamwork. We clinched third in this section working together as a nation. But we were no match for the USA.

Score: 8 points.

Greed.

This category is the main reason why many commenters’ have claimed this whole competition has been a farce. It has been loosely described as to do with “how much a nation earns”. Mexico won it. “How can Mexico win? They don’t earn much!” they bleat. And that’s the point. It’s how little a country earns that gets top spot here, because it means the people running the country get the bulk of the cash and therefore ARE the greediest. So it’s a tough category to win and Australia could only manage fourth.

Score: 7 points.

Pride.

One of the criteria here was how much plastic surgery the nation has. So Joan Rivers should have won this one on her own for the United States of America. But she hadn’t accounted for Iceland. Australia was fourth.

Score: 7 points.

Wrath.

They nation’s propensity for assault, rape and murder was used for this category. Here in Australia, we do love to win. But, as already mentioned, we believe in teamwork. So this category does cause some conflict, but we still managed seventh.

Score: 4 points.

Sloth.

Measured by the number of sick days off work people take. As a nation, we are collectively gutted with our pathetic performance in this category. We are the nation that invented the term “chuck a sickie”. Yet we only managed ninth. Come on! We can do better than this.

Score: 2 points.

Total: 46 points.

This was streets ahead of the USA in second, (32 points), Canada third, (24), the UK a poorly sixth with just 17 points and South Africa a lowly joint ninth with a measly 12 points.

Well played Australia and huge thanks to the BBC, without whom this victory would not have been possible. For those who have accused the BBC of wasting taxpayer’s money, I say it’s just sour grapes. Just because you only came sixth.

The criteria used were unquestionable and the result was emphatic.

Australia wins!