I talked about making new friends last week but what I really was trying to say is this. When you say goodbye to your long-term friends and you know you are saying goodbye forever, your need to make new friends increases.
Wherever you are living now, you probably have a steady, reliable, backdrop of friends that you have known for 5, 10, 20 or even 30 years, if you’re an old codger like me. Part of you says “why make new ones?”
All of a sudden when you come out here, all that changes. Now, you need to make new friends.
How to make new friends.
Making New Friends
A few months ago I gave you all some tips about cooking on a barbecue. Today I am giving tips on how to make new friends. Anyone who knew me in England will think this is some kind of joke. “Bob, cooking? Bob on the art of socializing? What’s he going to be talking about next week? Treating your body as a shrine!”
Yes, it would sound crazy to those who knew me. But all I am doing is adapting to my new circumstances. If you come out here to live, you will too. It’s easy.
The Rules of Making New Friends
- #1 The first rule of making new friends is never say no to any invite.
- #2 The second rule of making new friends is NEVER SAY NO to any invite.
I would like to thank the makers of the film “Fight Club” for the inspiration behind those rules.
For us, it really hasn’t been difficult to make new friends. The people out here are very communal, well they certainly are where I live. Here’s how we made our first bunch of friends.
It must have been about day three when I went down to the local hardware store to buy some stuff. My little girl came along with me for the ride. As I was paying for my goods, one of the other assistants working in the shop came over to me and said “Are you from Essex?”
In the conversation that followed, she explained that she came here from Essex too, she had a little boy about the same age as my daughter and then she gave me her phone number and invited my wife to phone her so they could meet each other.
It was an invite and the rules are clear. So my wife telephoned and they became friends and then later I became friends with her husband. Easy.
It must have been about day six when a local carpenter had come round to help me fit some new doors. “We’ve got a daughter the same age as your daughter” he said. “If you give me your phone number, I’ll get my wife to ring your wife and they can go out.”
It was an invite and the rules are clear. We gave him our phone number and his wife rang my wife and now they are very good friends. I became very good friends with her husband.
Friend number one with the little boy said to my wife “there’s a playgroup for children our kids age, do you fancy coming?”
It was an invite and the rules are clear. My wife went to the playgroup and met lots of friends. I later became friends with some of the husbands.
It’s just too easy. After just four months we had enough friends to fill our house with adults and children for our daughter’s fourth birthday.
What if you get an invite from somebody that you don’t really click with? Can you say no to that? Sorry, the rules are very clear! You may not click with them, but it’s very likely they will introduce you to other people that you will click with. If you just stick to the rules for the first 12 months, you will make friends.
Of course, you don’t have to wait for invites. There are loads of communal activities to choose from that you can just go to without an invite. And when you get there, somebody will invite you to something. You know what you have to do.
Back in England, I used to go to the pub regularly with five other blokes. Since living here, it has taken me around 15 months to find five mates who all live close enough to get to the local sports club. As soon as I had those five mates, I suggested we meet one Friday for a beer and we have been doing that regularly ever since.
There! Got my social life back.
A lot of English people live out here and I would guess that just over half of our friends are from the UK. I think there is a reason for this. Everyone who has moved over here has the same need to make new friends. They too have left their friends and family behind. People are always looking to make new connections.
And I’ll tell you what, it’s a whole lot of fun doing it.
For a full chronological list and brief description of all the posts in this series about how I moved to Australia, please visit my page How to Move to Australia.
Related posts:
- Social Life in Australia: Making Friends Revisited.
- Leaving All Your Friends Behind.
- 11,000 Miles From Friends and Loved Ones
- New Rules for Migrants in Australia?
- Strange Beastie Sounds in My Friends’ Back Gardens
{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
Perfectly nice topic. The rules of making new friends are pretty interesting. Kudos, Bob. Looking forward to reading more articles from you.
Thanks Al. The rules work too. I got so many friends I can start arguing with them now! Wonderful…
You’re the first friend I’m gonna look for when I move to Australia. =)
I’ll be here!
The Third Rule of making new friends is – get some children! It’s a sad fact of life that the moment you have your kids with you, people chat and open up and exchange numbers. The child is the catalyst. Without the children one might not receive the invites. Just a thought…
Loving the blog Bob.
Rupert
Well yes, it’s true, kids certainly help break the ice. But if you don’t have children, you can always join some sort of group, whatever your interest is. I don’t know, surfing lessons, art classes, yoga, or if you’re like me, join a football team or two.
But I have found the Aussies really friendly, so I don’t think you really have to have a child to make new mates.
Yeah, I know, I was just joshing! We’re going to be moving to Sydney and I have loads of contacts out there already and I’m not shy.
I can’t wait to do some sports and get out of the house. In London, even with all the culture that everyone keeps banging on about being “right on your doorstep”, the truth is most Londoners stay at home because it’s too cold and wet and getting anywhere is such a mind-numbingly, lengthy and expensive hassle.
Talk soon.
Oh, you will definitely spend more time outside here in Australia than you ever did in England. That’s probably the biggest lifestyle change I’ve noticed since moving here. And it’s great!
Hey Bob
Your rules will work more for those who have kids or at least have a partner. Unfortunately single people don’t seem to be very welcome. For instance if I go out with my GF and we see a woman with some kids we can stay and play with the kids and talk to the mom. But if I do it by my own I would be assumed as a kid abuser !!!
Hi Ryan
Well yes, I take your point. Grown up men on their own trying to befriend children doesn’t go down well in too many countries these days.
But I still think youngsters on their own here wouldn’t have too many problems making friends. But obviously I’m guessing. I’m an old codger.
Thanks Bob
can U get your wife or another female friend to write here about how to approach and befriend with the females?
Ryan, it’s been a good while since my wife has been approached and chatted up by a guy, well, at least I think it is. Maybe I should…. doesn’t matter now.
But if you’ll take some advice from an old geezer? I think you’re concentrating too hard on trying to ‘befriend with the females’. Focusing too hard on that alone can tend to creep girls out.
So I suggest you do follow the advice in this article, and make rule #1 AND #2 as they are above, your own and never say no to any invite. Also, get involved in any of the many community events. Join clubs, classes or charity organisations. And did you know they have mixed sports here? Mixed soccer teams, mixed netball teams, mixed volleyball teams. Join one!
Don’t target meeting girls, just try meeting lots of people and the girls will turn up.
Lovely message, any advice for people with hardly any friends?
Hi Elli
The message is the same really, join clubs, communities and groups. You say “hardly any friends”, that means you do have some friends. Join those clubs, communities and groups with them.
The funny thing about Australia is, lots of people move here to start a new life and they are all looking to find new friends. So it’s not that hard, you just have to start a conversation. Which is what you have done here with your comment and already you’ve got a new friend! Ryan….
i am presently based in cameroon, and i will be leaving for australia in 2012 for studies in carnegie mellon university Australia. i will like us to be friends befor time.
Why not? and good luck with those studies, hope you enjoy Australia….. and make lots of friends.
Elli, you can start by befriending with me
)
Hey Ryan,
How is it going? Making plenty of friends? Good to see you offering your friendship to Elli like that.
It’s all too easy, isn’t it?
Thanks Bob. Yes it’s now way easier for me to make friends. I owe it to you. Ellie did not send me a positive respond though!
Bobs match making service! like it.
Poor Ellli lol
Can I help you find someone special Chris? Mahaha!
Just checked me email for the first time since Friday, thanks for the messages got a smile from them:)
Thanks Elli, smiling makes it all worthwhile
Ryan, you gave me some of the smiles!
Cue Ryan
No no, just being nice! no cue needed chris!
Excellent! Everyone’s getting on just dandy.
Chris: Ignore !
) A good action can be giving me a wink 
Elli: Ellie we men like to see an action rather than just smiling! Even being cursed feels better than receiving no reaction
p.s. is Elli a short form of Elmira? is it Persian?
Bob: I introduced your web site in my blog and heaps of people have used it. thanks heaps.
OK i’m outa here!
Not sure Bob’s match making service is working out. Maybe I need a rethink?
I’m moving to Adelaide soon and I’m a little worried as husband is going with he’s job and I have got kids 14yrs and 11yrs but I want to make new friends but people seem to keep me at arms length my other friends say it’s jealousy ad they say I’m stunning and confident and nice and people can’t deal with that but inside I’m dying to make friends ….so nervous ! We are coming from uk . And we are excited and I’m thinking omg !
What should I do ? How can I help myself to make friends ? Many thanks in advance for yr help !
Hi Angel
It’s difficult for me to come up with something from this distance, but I would not buy into your friends jealousy/stunning theory, otherwise you could end up just using that as an excuse for yourself.
I’ve got three or four articles about making friends, this one and there are links to others in the related posts area underneath this post. The answers are all there, the key for you I think is to join some communities or classes. Zumba is very popular, anyone can do that! Turn up on your own and just start talking to people.
Read my post about Adelaide, the friendliness of the locals was one of the things that struck me most about the city. You will be okay.
HI!
You want to make friendship with me
Why not? The more friends the merrier
Bob I can’t wait to see your friends list when its complete, it will be like a game of Guess Who. I just hope Mrs Bob vets em!
Crikey! I might have to buy an address book soon!
If a psychopathic serial killer invites you to their home, it is an invite and THE RULES ARE CLEAR!
You get many of those round your way then?